Four Seasons of Love

I like to write my blogs on Sundays. ‘Soul Sundays with Sian’. #SoulSundaysWithSian. However, this week has been very emotional for me as my daughter spent five days with her father for the first time. As beautiful as it was to see them so connected of course, it was only natural to be saddened by the fact another woman was taking care our children as he now has a new partner. So I chose to explore my feelings. I have been doing some healing. I also prayed for the answers on a great topic to write about and this morning while scrolling through my social media Newsfeed, the answer came to me after being inspired by the embodiment of feminine power, author, and public speaker, Marianne Williamson. Her Facebook post reminded me that love can be like seasons. So today my blog will go into more detail about what it means to be in ‘season’.

We have hot summers where the sun beams down in all its glory to kiss our skin, drench us with light and lift our spirits up. Summer is a time for fun, frolics, and fusing our souls with another. Autumn is a time when leaves fall from the trees, burnt orange sunsets, harvesting food in preparation for what’s to come. Winter. The cold, icy, brutal harshness of winter. Winds cut through to the core feeling the full force of the impact of chills, cold, bleak lifeless surroundings, where darkness well and truly will set in. Going on for months as if the sun shall never rise again.

My journey with my daughter’s Father, (I will protect his identity by referring to him as Father) is very much of the same concept. Which inspired me to identify that my love is indeed like four seasons.

This story began in Winter of 2012, my beloved Grandfather had just passed away, December 5th and I was back at my hometown in Lincolnshire. What was only meant as a visit to see the family, attend the funeral, and head back to Manchester to continue my life as a single woman; became an extended stay over the Christmas and New Years Eve festivities. At the time, I have been just in the infancy of my spiritual journey of understanding the Laws of Attraction via the best selling book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I had spent many nights doing ‘Soul Mate Meditations’, longing to connect with the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and connect with on a deep soul level (who I was yet to meet), even repeating my affirmations from the book ‘The Complete Works’ by Florence Scovel Shinn. I was living each day for what it was, not thinking of the future, but remaining present in the moment. Enjoying each moment to the next. January 2013 came, as did the heavy snow. Being a model, I was never short of male attention. Its part of the industry because my looks were a commodity, being approached on a daily basis by men and women either in person or via social media was just something I had come to accept as part of the job. Some attention is welcome, some not so much. This particular day in January, I had plans, but as if fate had it, I did not go. Instead, I chose to head to the local pub in Caistor, called The White Hart. A pub where my mother and father had courted, my grandparents had courted even my great-grandparents had also been regular customers. The history of my families past could still be felt in the air. The memories so clear and vivid to me. There I saw the old faces who had loved and known my family. It’s the one place you can walk into alone and someone will speak with you, share old memories with you. It’s a very comforting and beautiful experience. A feeling of safety. A feeling of home. Very much like Reese Witherspoon’s character in the Hollywood blockbuster film, ‘Sweet Home Alabama’. Everyone knows everyone. A time capsule of memories.

I was speaking with some friends and we agreed that we would all head into the next village to a country pub called ‘The Skipworth Arms’. So off we went. As soon as I walked into the pub, there was my cousin with a warm welcoming smile. We hugged and spoke about the funeral of my grandfather. The atmosphere was warm, full of love, friendship, and laughter. Later on, that evening, as I was sat at the bar chatting away, I noticed two men walk in. One of the men looked straight into my eyes, my heart stopped, I could not catch my breath. ‘I know him’, I thought to myself. His handsome good looks, intense brown eyes piercing through me, his clothes hugging his sculpted, solid powerful body. I knew he was strong. He sat down at the end of the bar and just continued to look at me, I looked away. As the night went on, I felt a sense of burning in my body, I’d look around and there he was, still staring at me. It was the most intense feeling of my life to that date. I’d never felt such intensity from anyone. Especially with just a look. It was so new to me, I did not know what to make of it. All I knew is I wanted him to come over and talk to me. As if he could read my mind, he did indeed come over to speak to me. Wow! My heart was just set on fire. I want to keep some things private and sacred between him and me, so all I will say is, what we spoke about changed my life forever, how he looked at me, changed my life forever. I knew in that moment I wanted him, he was the one. I had met him. My soulmate. As the night drew to an end, I was in such awe, I think looking back I was actually a little afraid of the intensity, my logical mind was trying to reason with my emotions, so I just left, without leaving my number or even asking for his. My logic, just said ‘shit, this is crazy to feel this strongly so quickly’. So I made my excuses to leave and left to go home.

When I got home, I did what any girl does, tried to find out who this man was. I looked at social media, couldn’t find anything at all. I was so frustrated, worried that I would never see this man again, so I just accepted it was a once in a lifetime chance meeting and prayed to God. ‘Dear Lord, if I am supposed to meet this man again, please help make it possible, Amen’. And within a couple of minutes after saying my prayers, my phone receives a Facebook notification. It was from him, my dream guy. It was the most beautiful message, he explained he had spoken to my cousin to find out who I was. He told me he was sorry for staring, but I blew him away and that he ‘felt he had met me for a reason tonight’. He gave me his number and that was it. We were connected. That night was like the season of Spring. For so long the trees were bare, no hope of any life, yet right there, in the coldness, the bleak misfortune of a harsh winter, a tiny seed of love, hope, the passion started to blossom. Right there, against all the odds, against all the barriers of life, the seeds of fate took over and ignited a fire of attraction within me. All the seeds of hope and faith of finding my soul mate came to fruition.

Within days the connection intensified to a whole new level of attraction. I was completely swept away by the feelings of love, time was no concept as I felt I had known him a lifetime. All logic had gone out of my mind, so for me, I was his. I knew I wanted to be together forever, so acted as my heart was telling me. I was a woman completely head over heels in love with the most gorgeous man I had ever met. The time had come for our first date, oh how my heart pounded. Just to sit next to him in the cinema, I felt an electricity surge through my body, I could not catch my next breath. He was like a vortex of passion, instantly pulling my energy into to him. I could feel myself falling into him, I had zero interest in the film, all I wanted and kept thinking about was, oh my God, this feeling is incredible, I want him to kiss me. What seemed like 10 hours of waiting, the film ended, and he drove me back to drop me back home. It was then we shared our first kiss. Just like the season of summer, it was hot hot hot! Burning my soul, the fire within me was wild, intense and incredible. We said Goodnight. The following day we met again for lunch, just sitting next to each other was just so intense. The day turned into evening, the evening turned into night. The snow had been so heavy that we had to abandon the car and walk through the snowy countryside, the stars twinkling in the clear night sky. As if God himself had created the most romantic setting for what was about to happen. I made snow angels in the snow, just so free to be myself, so unafraid to be with the man I was deeply falling in love with. I felt a connection so pure, so real so beautiful. I felt I was the luckiest women alive. As we had no car, and my house was miles away so the closest place to walk would be his house. The seeds of our connection were in full bloom, the season of love was well and truly into summer. That night, we made love and our daughter was conceived. The season of summer remained strong for the next month, sharing beautiful moments together. Then autumn sets in.

Just as with the autumn season, the leaves fall from the once blooming, fruitful trees, plants start to wither away, what was once green and full of luster starts to turn brown, falling away. A few months into the pregnancy, I could feel him slip away from me. As if I was the tree of life, bearing fruit, he was falling away from me. No longer was I the source of energy for him. He was gone. Swept away by the wind into the unknown. Unreachable. Unapproachable. Unattainable. I was left bare, exposed to the harshness of what was to come. Winter. The fire was out. I was growing life inside of me, to on the outside, I was dead. Heartbroken. Abandoned. Lifeless.

Winter lasted for 3 years. No sign of life from him. No sight of him. 3 long, cold years. I was a mother on my own, attempting to reignite the fire, looking for a seed of hope in the ashes of all that he represented to my dreams of a happy family life, nothing. Just cold, harsh frost of winter. The only warmth I had to comfort me was our daughter and the memory of a connection we once shared. Winter seemed to never give any sign of ending, so I just chose to love him, wherever he was, I would send him love and pray for him and his happiness. Once again setting the seeds of hope, that one day, spring would arrive.

April 2017, spring did arrive, all the seeds of hope that he would one day return, be the wonderful Father, I knew he always was going to be, came to light. The seeds of hope sprouted out from the shadows of darkness. One by one the seeds began to blossom once again. His contact became regular, his visits to see our daughter became frequent and consistent. His warmth and love are in full view when he holds our darling daughter. The heat of summer is on its way, I see it still in his eyes, its there. The love, the passion, the connection, it is all there every time he’s with our little girl.

The journey my love for my daughters Father is unconditional, our journey has taught me to let love go, to allow love to be free. To love someone so much that they can hurt you, but you still chose to love them anyway, without judgment, without fear. Just love them because you share a gift together. A child. A gift from God. Is he the love of my life. Yes. Is he free to love another, yes! Because his happiness and my daughter’s happiness is where I find my own. God has blessed me twice and for that I am grateful.

So the next time you feel out of control to see your ex with someone else or you have to see your children spending time with your partner’s new spouses just remember it’s all just seasons. Your love is in a season. It may be cold like winter or pleasant like spring. Wherever you are on your journey, nothing is permanent. So choose love over everything. Chose your children’s happiness over anything else because you did once share a connection of love to create a miracle, which is seen in your children’s eyes. That is the next generation of love. So honor it. Love it and embrace it. Life is a journey so let’s enjoy the ride as much as we can. Things may seem hard to face but when we face them head on it becomes easier. Time is the greatest healer of all. Nobody will ever replace either of you as mother and Father to your children and that’s the blessing


My Cook Book – Vegan Chicken Free Nuggets, Chips and Peas

This is one of the easiest and quickest recipes I know. My daughter loves it, a perfect meal for busy parents who are conscious about what their children eat. Organic and Meat Free. Enjoy!!!

My Quick & Easy Vegan Meal

Preparation Time: 5 Minutes

Cooking Time: 15 – 18 Minutes

Ingredients & Equipment You Will Need:

1 x  Bag of Quorn Vegan Nuggets – (Available from Sainsbury’s)

1 x Bag of Frozen Organic Peas – (Sainburys Own Brand)

1 x Bag of Frozen Thin Cut Chips – (Sainsbury Own brand)

1 x Bottle of Organic Tomato Ketchup (Sainburys Own Brand)

1 x Baking Tray

Tin Foil

1 x Pan

1 x Kettle

Oven Gloves

Kitchen Timer

Cooking Instructions:

Pre-heat oven to 200 Degrees or 180 Degrees for Fan Assisted Ovens, Gas Mark 5-6 would be ideal.

Step 1. Boil the Kettle

Step 2. Use your baking tray, cover it with tin foil and put the nuggets and chips on the tray and put into the oven for 15-18 minutes and set your timer for 15-18 minutes depending on your oven settings.

Step 3 – Put enough organic peas into your pan to feed your family, and cover with boil water. Put on the cooker on a low heat for 10 minutes.

Step 4: Once the peas are done, drain and leave to stand until your timer goes off.

Step 5: – Once your timer goes off, take the nuggets and chips out of the oven using your oven gloves and plate up, adding the peas to the plates.

Step 6: Add the organic ketchup, serve and enjoy.


Ask. Believe. Receive

So many of us want to have the dream life. So many of us have different concepts of what our dream life looks like. I have always been a woman that knows what I wanted. From a very early age, I would go to my bedroom, kneel in front of my little red table, light my candles, look at my crystals, bible and angel cards and really believe that God/Angels/UniversalGods could hear me loud and clear. It was not as if my family raised me to be that way either, I just had the imagination along with a strong feeling in my heart that there is something amazing around us at all times. As a little girl, I would write down all my wishes. Sure enough, they manifested into my reality.

Into my later teenage life, after I had left school, I really had a driving ambition to be famous. I wanted the whole world to know who I was and be loved. I wanted to be a model. Within months of me recognizing my desire, I became a best-selling model, landing front cover girl status. I remember my brother telling me he had walked into W H Smiths and saw me on the front of the magazine. I was only 18 years old and had manifested huge success.

Over the years the same ability to manifest has always been within me. I have been incredibly blessed to have manifested my beautiful daughter, my home, my dream cars, great relationships and success beyond my wildest dreams. So what has been my secret? 3 simple steps.

  1. ASK – Asking for what you want and need is something so many people find so hard to do. Maybe it’s because we get afraid that we will be rejected, criticised, judged or ridiculed for what we want. I see so many people afraid of asking and speaking up for their needs to be met, out of fear of what others will think. I have had those feelings at times however what is key here, is this is your life and you are the only one living in 24/7, 365 days a year. You are the only one, living in your mind, body, and soul, so you can and do have the ultimate final say on what is right for you and your happiness. So get comfortable asking for what you want. Get confident in asking for your needs to be met. Just get into the new habit of asking. Even if you write in down on a piece of paper, or creating a vision board of all the things you want to experience, just put it out there into the Universe. My motto is ‘if you don’t ask, you’ll never get’. So get asking.

2. BELIEVE – Now that you have recognized what you want and need, have been brave enough to actually ask for those needs and wants to be met. Now is the time to really go within yourself and believe that what you have asked for is going to happen/manifest for you. How do we do this? Well for me, it comes from self-love, self-belief, and self-respect. Having a deep knowing beyond all logic that we deserve to have all you want and desire. That we are here on this planet to experience heaven on earth. That there is more than enough of everything for everyone. That nothing that is destined to be ours will ever be withheld from us. You have to believe and know, just like you believe, trust and know that right at this present moment there is enough air around you for you to take your next breath. You can not see it, but you know it’s going to happen. Guess what. You just took your next breath while reading these words. Congratulations. You believe. Feels great, doesn’t it!

3. RECEIVE: So you can ask, you now believe and you already received your next breath.. : ) so all you do now is keep asking for signs that all your others dreams, wishes, and desires are coming to you. Like next day delivery… You may want to know and keep track of your order. The best way to know the answer to this is to ask God/Angels/Universe for signs. You can say to yourself, or out loud, ‘Show me a sign today’. You can ask for anything from a feather, coin, rainbows, a song, numbers, there is no set idea request as long as you believe that sign you are asking for is something you will connect with once you see it. And trust me, you will. That is your confirmation that your order is on its way.

I hope you have enjoyed this blog. I’d love to hear about your successful manifesting stories, so please take a picture of your signs and successful manifestations and leave comments below, add to my Facebook Page and Twitter too.

Wishing you all your dreams coming true.

Love you all.

Sian xxx

A note to all single mothers… 

A note to all the brave single women in the world. 
Being a mother to such a delightful, happy, loving and precious child is a pure gift from God. The journey I embraced with a full and open heart is one that I have accomplished from a place of pure love no matter what has come on my path. I have faced demons and shown love and compassion for such tortured souls. I have been deeply loved and continue to be loved in so many ways, I’m truly blessed as a women. I have walked through and overcome hell leaving a golden thread of light to all those still trapped within that dark place. My reward…
I am appreciated, I am valued, I am successful, I am respected, I am a believer in God and all the power of this Universe. I see love and light in the world and my life is a loving reflection of all the good karma that God graces me with. Even when the enemy works through those who try to bring me off course. 
People will come and go in life, some may even stay forever… what is very clear to me, is who I am, what I stand for and just how deeply I love as a women and how powerful my forgiveness burns through the souls of those who are riddled with guilt, jealously, rage, blame, resentment all because they fail to see the power of love and the light in their own darkness. They turn from the light because it burns too bright for them to even see the truth. Keeping them locked in a darkened life of limitation. 
The most hurtful and spiteful people are those who carry the most guilt within their hearts, those who’s regret for their own failings and own shame on turning away from real love and pure happiness… these people need our prayers the most. 
However, never settle for anything other than the very best. Being a women of divine love, divine strength, divine courage and divine faith… means to say, no to anything less than spectacular, and saying ‘I love myself enough to want the very best’ because I demand that of myself to give my best to this world. To be a Goddess of this world to guide other women and our daughters about the importance of being magnificent no matter what we are faced with. 
Love is the only thing that’s real. Everything else is an illusion of falsehoods that no longer serve our highest potential. No one or no one thing has power over us. We are the source of all power. In our hearts, in our wombs we give life. What is more powerful then that. I am a life giver. Being a women is the most greatest gift of this world. I feel, I love, I give life, I express myself fully and whole without fear of judgements. I am my own source of love, happiness and power. Which transmutes back into the world. 
Now is the time to cut loose the old and outdated behaviours of the past. It’s time to say no to limited people who are not spiritually evolved enough to have their hearts wide open and who are deeply afraid of real love ❤️ 
It’s time to close those doors to all that no longer serves love, and take our first steps into the grand possibilities of a magical dream life that will be created by our own two hands.
The power is in the hearts of those who believe and who are not afraid of the enemy but can rise above and love even harder, brighter and more daring than ever before. 
Life has a very funny way giving us everything we’ve ever dreamed and wanted. And it’s time I step into mine and you, yours. 

Namaste xxx